On daydreaming

You know those aptitude tests you take when you want to get clarity about what it is you´r supposed to do with your life? I´ve always had he hardest time with those beacuse they never get me any closer to said clarity. They just don’t capture my inner wants or I don’t know how to answer them honestly (as if someone is grading my answers I think I should answer that indeed I dream of being part of a fast paced multi tasking high achieving environment when in fact I really don’t). But I think the point is that they don’t include what it is I like to do most (ie daydreams) and it’s not very clear how you make a living on that thing, or if you should.

When I was a child I was very good at making up worlds, most kids are quite good at it of course, but I really lost myself in my make beliefs for hours. I kept up these fantasy games, well, let’s say longer than most. I could transform the dining room into a fancy hotel from any era where I could be the protagonist heroine in sweeping skirts and around me a tragic/romantic/beautiful gone with the wind like story enveloped as hours passed by. But for me the decor and my clothes and the precise details of just about anything was just as important as the story I wrote in my head (I would re-play the scenes until I got them just right).

As I got older I mostly made up these scenes and worlds in my head and I sometimes tried to get them down on paper. But I’m very critical of myself and since the written version of the fantasy tends to be a lot paler I tossed the papers before I got anywhere. It has taken me a.long.time to be a bit kinder to myself and realize that creating anything good takes time and effort (duh, but there you go). I´ve never thought that the thing I liked most growing up could benefit me at all, in fact I struggle with finding my place and what I’m supposed to do with my life. I have tried to incorporate my “talent” in my work life, I created environments and atmospheres as a visual merchandiser and shop manager and I tried fo a brief second to be an interior stylist on photo shoots. The thing that got me down and to be frank a bit depressed was the cynical consumerism and sell sell sell of it all. I enjoy the world of helping artists create and display their art a lot more. I guess this little corner of the internet is my way of trying to create a place where I can experiment and find out just exactly what it is that I like to do without trying to fit it into any existing carrier path or business model.

Ps. the cute daydreaming lady above is on her way home to me right as of now, yay!

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